What stayed with me was the refusal to spiritualize survival “He didn’t show up for me. My mom did. My donor did. Medicine did.” The essay works because it doesn’t seek peace, only honesty.
Yep to agnosticism. I am in recovery (20 mo.) and 12 Steps have lots of God but they make sure to tell you over and over it is a God of your own understanding... but the rest of the program actively contradicts that notion. The AA Higher Power is an interventionist. It is irksome. I mean I am happy for those that believe and through that belief are sober. Check out the amazing Britt Hartley on Soul Boom https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXEetNImylk
Congratulations to your recovery and however you get there is absolutely an incredible feet like you said. There is some connection between addiction and theology, somehow the brain is affected in similar ways in each. I have friends and family members who have struggled and come out of it through God and I’m so grateful but like you hinted towards if the program was less about God then I think it’d be helpful for a lot more people. Again, congratulations, and I appreciate you sharing your experience. Thanks for reading 🫶
I respect anyone who admits that they don’t know all the answers, which is why I have such strong feelings about those that pretend they do, thank you for reading Sam!
Reading raw material like this is why I have fallen in love with this internet space... Saying the things out loud that some folks try to sanitize or water down. The anger threaded with these words are so valid. Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable experience.
I grew up in a southern Baptist household. Often spent my Wednesday afternoons and Sunday mornings in church pews or Sunday school. Even went to a private school where we had to memorize weekly verses. Throughout all of it, my mind never retained the information, almost as if my body was rejecting long before my mature mind could catch up. I had given Christianity another go, similar to you, out of search for community and under the influence of peers. Besides, in Appalachia, it's what you just "do". But I won't ever forget the youth pastor's sermon that made me throw in the final towel... I simply could not fathom the idea of a God, or any spirit for that matter, that decided who deserves a good afterlife over who. Not to mention the idea of our souls needing to be "saved" left a bad taste in my mouth.
Then I learned about animism, and things started to make more sense of a new definition of Spirit, one without a hierarchy, and rather an acknowledgement of our vast spiritual and physcial ecosystems... I'm still experiencing my own qualms about what *this* all means, but I'll be damned if I ever cave into the pressures of Christianity.
I really appreciate your take on this! I think I have similar feelings about who gets to decide who is a good and who isn’t. The idea that we are sinners from birth is another concept I can’t wrap my head around, I get that we all do bad things or make mistakes but isn’t our intention behind our actions what counts? Or what we do to mend the mistake after? How we make it right? How is the act of confession or forgiveness from a supernatural entity what actually cleanses us if we do nothing outside of that? Anyways I’m glad you enjoyed the piece and that you related to it, I’m glad I got to read about your experience.
What stayed with me was the refusal to spiritualize survival “He didn’t show up for me. My mom did. My donor did. Medicine did.” The essay works because it doesn’t seek peace, only honesty.
Thank you, Ethan. I appreciate you reading. I try to be as honest as I can in all of my writing.
Very well written. I grapple with my own spirituality. This was a breath of fresh air than what I’m used to. Gripping overall.
Thank you so much, I’m glad you enjoyed it
Yep to agnosticism. I am in recovery (20 mo.) and 12 Steps have lots of God but they make sure to tell you over and over it is a God of your own understanding... but the rest of the program actively contradicts that notion. The AA Higher Power is an interventionist. It is irksome. I mean I am happy for those that believe and through that belief are sober. Check out the amazing Britt Hartley on Soul Boom https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXEetNImylk
Congratulations to your recovery and however you get there is absolutely an incredible feet like you said. There is some connection between addiction and theology, somehow the brain is affected in similar ways in each. I have friends and family members who have struggled and come out of it through God and I’m so grateful but like you hinted towards if the program was less about God then I think it’d be helpful for a lot more people. Again, congratulations, and I appreciate you sharing your experience. Thanks for reading 🫶
I consider myself agnostic. Rest assured that if I am admitting that I myself don’t have answers, I’m not going to try to convince you of anything.
I respect anyone who admits that they don’t know all the answers, which is why I have such strong feelings about those that pretend they do, thank you for reading Sam!
Reading raw material like this is why I have fallen in love with this internet space... Saying the things out loud that some folks try to sanitize or water down. The anger threaded with these words are so valid. Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable experience.
I grew up in a southern Baptist household. Often spent my Wednesday afternoons and Sunday mornings in church pews or Sunday school. Even went to a private school where we had to memorize weekly verses. Throughout all of it, my mind never retained the information, almost as if my body was rejecting long before my mature mind could catch up. I had given Christianity another go, similar to you, out of search for community and under the influence of peers. Besides, in Appalachia, it's what you just "do". But I won't ever forget the youth pastor's sermon that made me throw in the final towel... I simply could not fathom the idea of a God, or any spirit for that matter, that decided who deserves a good afterlife over who. Not to mention the idea of our souls needing to be "saved" left a bad taste in my mouth.
Then I learned about animism, and things started to make more sense of a new definition of Spirit, one without a hierarchy, and rather an acknowledgement of our vast spiritual and physcial ecosystems... I'm still experiencing my own qualms about what *this* all means, but I'll be damned if I ever cave into the pressures of Christianity.
I really appreciate your take on this! I think I have similar feelings about who gets to decide who is a good and who isn’t. The idea that we are sinners from birth is another concept I can’t wrap my head around, I get that we all do bad things or make mistakes but isn’t our intention behind our actions what counts? Or what we do to mend the mistake after? How we make it right? How is the act of confession or forgiveness from a supernatural entity what actually cleanses us if we do nothing outside of that? Anyways I’m glad you enjoyed the piece and that you related to it, I’m glad I got to read about your experience.
They're selling fools gold. The treasure they speak of is already within us all.
Exactly my thoughts MJ! 🫶
I'm so sorry to hear about your cancer :( Wishing you lots of light and healing
Thank you, I have actually been in remission for five years now!
The rush of joy each time you mention you're in remission. Thank you for sharing with us. ❤️
🥺 thank you for reading Birdie!
Of course! 💙